Most people on this planet live a casual life. A life with limited meaning, which makes sense to them. I find such people blessed. Because ignorance is indeed bliss. And I have to agree that on most days of the year, I am one of them. Then along comes an article, a thought, a dream or a video - that simply rattles me and my senses. What are we really doing? What is this life? What's the purpose of life? Where did we come from? Where do we go later? These questions arise all the time thanks to one area of science. You can hardly guess from this rambling, but it is astrophysics or astronomy that I'm talking about, which holds the potential to shake your identity.
Even as a kid, I was pretty mesmerized by the vast universe. I never let go of an opportunity to run out in the open air and gaze at the endless sky. In the early 90s I started to get hooked to Star Trek that aired on Star TV every weekday at 11.30 p.m. My brother and I would beg our parents to let us watch it. We even promised to study or finish extra homeworks during the hour. I used to sincerely sit with my Geography class book (the long ruled books that were especially made for this subject), but I hardly used to write a word in it while I watched the show. Star Trek took my fascination for the cosmos to a whole new level.
All this while, my interest and curiosity remained a mere fascination. It was never a deep thought with questions. While I always noticed that my father who was extremely academic and scientific, to the extent of being an atheist, always showed a strange disengagement when it came to astronomy. I forever wondered why this was so. He used to tell me that astronomy and astrophysics raised uncomfortable questions in him. And I never understood the gravity (no pun intended) of his statement.
As I grew up, I knew what he meant, because I soon found myself in the same shoes. The first time these thoughts began was when a classmate of mine lost his life to a road accident. I was in shock. He was in my college and less than a year older than me. I had never pictured early 20s as an age to die at. I was constantly questioning myself about where he just went, how did his senses shut off, was he really able to see/hear/think no more. Those were the times when I desperately wished ghosts existed, because that would have meant he still lived.
I sat with my Mom asking deep questions about life. I asked her if afterlife existed, because I dreaded the thought of oblivion that follows the end if it didn't. She explained to me what our religion says about it- How Hinduism says that a human being lives in what's called a 'Sookshma Sharira' or an 'astral body' for a few days following death- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subtle_body. And then passes on to heavenly abode.
It was comforting but left me with so many more questions. I used to feel anxious at the thought of dying. I would express this to my Mom who always said -"With time as you grow older you get over this anxiety. When you have lived your life to the fullest and feel content, you don't fear the end anymore". I assumed my anxiety had something to do with my having witnessed a friend's death at a young age.
It took me close to a year to get over these thoughts. And I found the best distraction to be materialism. Watch movies, Read the newspaper, Joke with friends, Listen to music, Dance in a club and you are sure to never get these deep thoughts.
Until the night you are lying down alone trying to sleep and all of a sudden you wonder what happens after you pass away. For me the thought of me losing my identity is equivalent to the world losing its identity, Because the world for me exists through my eyes.
It is maddening. At such times I just shake my head to clear my thoughts, put on some good music or a funny video and get back to 'normalcy'.
But as I got used to the constant discomfort the question posed, it stopped bothering me.
Until one day a new thought came along. What the hell is time and what in the world is this eternity? Even if I comfort myself with thoughts of re-birth and Moksha, "Until when?" started bothering me. Whatever is at the end of it all? Is there ever an end? The thoughts of true eternity were scary to say the least. These questions were enough for me to completely stop thinking.
I knew that our ancient texts have all the philosophy that pose many comforting theories to these questions, but neither do I have the time and patience to find and read them, nor the confidence that they will give me solace. For all I know, they may make me feel worse, like making me realize of an impending doom. But it doesn't stop articles of people's near death experiences from piquing my interest. I constantly read of people coming back from being clinically dead and remembering everything that others saw or heard, or stories of the supernatural or paranormal, and it gives me a vague sense of 'hope' if I may say so- like there is something supernatural out there that doesn't show itself.
After many occasions of impulsive deep thinking and mulling, I have come to the conclusion that the entire mystery of life and the universe revolves around the concept of Time. Eternity is only a representation of time. If time is immeasurable or relative then Eternity is too. Einstein's theory of relativity is the only theory that has come close to giving me hope that there is more than what meets the eye. It even makes time resemble the concept of Yuga explained in Hinduism - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuga.
So now, concepts of wormholes and blackholes and information paradox and quantum entanglement are my new spiritual getaway. And I have my physics crazy husband to thank for that. For some reason it is heartening. And spiritually stimulating.
Someday I hope to learn that life is indeed eternal. And that time is a mere illusion with interesting consequences. And I hope to learn that when we die, we simply get transported to a different planet or solar system or galaxy or even a different universe, to start another life afresh, with all the loved ones we ever lost in our previous lives. That for me, is solace. And I sincerely hope to feel it one day.
Even as a kid, I was pretty mesmerized by the vast universe. I never let go of an opportunity to run out in the open air and gaze at the endless sky. In the early 90s I started to get hooked to Star Trek that aired on Star TV every weekday at 11.30 p.m. My brother and I would beg our parents to let us watch it. We even promised to study or finish extra homeworks during the hour. I used to sincerely sit with my Geography class book (the long ruled books that were especially made for this subject), but I hardly used to write a word in it while I watched the show. Star Trek took my fascination for the cosmos to a whole new level.
All this while, my interest and curiosity remained a mere fascination. It was never a deep thought with questions. While I always noticed that my father who was extremely academic and scientific, to the extent of being an atheist, always showed a strange disengagement when it came to astronomy. I forever wondered why this was so. He used to tell me that astronomy and astrophysics raised uncomfortable questions in him. And I never understood the gravity (no pun intended) of his statement.
As I grew up, I knew what he meant, because I soon found myself in the same shoes. The first time these thoughts began was when a classmate of mine lost his life to a road accident. I was in shock. He was in my college and less than a year older than me. I had never pictured early 20s as an age to die at. I was constantly questioning myself about where he just went, how did his senses shut off, was he really able to see/hear/think no more. Those were the times when I desperately wished ghosts existed, because that would have meant he still lived.
I sat with my Mom asking deep questions about life. I asked her if afterlife existed, because I dreaded the thought of oblivion that follows the end if it didn't. She explained to me what our religion says about it- How Hinduism says that a human being lives in what's called a 'Sookshma Sharira' or an 'astral body' for a few days following death- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subtle_body. And then passes on to heavenly abode.
It was comforting but left me with so many more questions. I used to feel anxious at the thought of dying. I would express this to my Mom who always said -"With time as you grow older you get over this anxiety. When you have lived your life to the fullest and feel content, you don't fear the end anymore". I assumed my anxiety had something to do with my having witnessed a friend's death at a young age.
It took me close to a year to get over these thoughts. And I found the best distraction to be materialism. Watch movies, Read the newspaper, Joke with friends, Listen to music, Dance in a club and you are sure to never get these deep thoughts.
Until the night you are lying down alone trying to sleep and all of a sudden you wonder what happens after you pass away. For me the thought of me losing my identity is equivalent to the world losing its identity, Because the world for me exists through my eyes.
It is maddening. At such times I just shake my head to clear my thoughts, put on some good music or a funny video and get back to 'normalcy'.
But as I got used to the constant discomfort the question posed, it stopped bothering me.
Until one day a new thought came along. What the hell is time and what in the world is this eternity? Even if I comfort myself with thoughts of re-birth and Moksha, "Until when?" started bothering me. Whatever is at the end of it all? Is there ever an end? The thoughts of true eternity were scary to say the least. These questions were enough for me to completely stop thinking.
I knew that our ancient texts have all the philosophy that pose many comforting theories to these questions, but neither do I have the time and patience to find and read them, nor the confidence that they will give me solace. For all I know, they may make me feel worse, like making me realize of an impending doom. But it doesn't stop articles of people's near death experiences from piquing my interest. I constantly read of people coming back from being clinically dead and remembering everything that others saw or heard, or stories of the supernatural or paranormal, and it gives me a vague sense of 'hope' if I may say so- like there is something supernatural out there that doesn't show itself.
After many occasions of impulsive deep thinking and mulling, I have come to the conclusion that the entire mystery of life and the universe revolves around the concept of Time. Eternity is only a representation of time. If time is immeasurable or relative then Eternity is too. Einstein's theory of relativity is the only theory that has come close to giving me hope that there is more than what meets the eye. It even makes time resemble the concept of Yuga explained in Hinduism - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuga.
So now, concepts of wormholes and blackholes and information paradox and quantum entanglement are my new spiritual getaway. And I have my physics crazy husband to thank for that. For some reason it is heartening. And spiritually stimulating.
Someday I hope to learn that life is indeed eternal. And that time is a mere illusion with interesting consequences. And I hope to learn that when we die, we simply get transported to a different planet or solar system or galaxy or even a different universe, to start another life afresh, with all the loved ones we ever lost in our previous lives. That for me, is solace. And I sincerely hope to feel it one day.
