Travel through Time

Sometimes, in fact often, I feel a void inside me. I ask myself what should I be doing to be happy? Where should I be living to feel at ease?

From the moment I left my homeland, I knew life wouldn't be the same again. But I overpowered the sensitivity inside me and established to myself that I am not an emotional girl. I am practical in all aspects. I love to learn and I am starting a new journey of learning, an experience of learning in a foreign land is after all considered worth the efforts. I wanted to see what is it that we Indians had missed in our study systems.

It was indeed worth the experience. It made me realize what I would have missed out on if I hadnt taken that one brave step. But as time passed I understood that my learning didnt stop with the degree I earned. Probably far more than what I learned in school is what life in the US taught me. But this is not just another story of a girl writing about how she felt independent in life and how she learnt to cook, took care of herself, stayed away from bad people, used money judiciously. These are only some things I learnt.

But what did awaken in me were some very tricky thoughts. Thoughts straight out of the movie Swades, but alas it isnt that straightforward. There are times when I love this place, there are times when I want to go home. There are other times when I love the work culture here and shudder to think about what working back home again would be like. But there are other times when I don't want any of these. I look for a place that no one is aware of. A place like Malgudi (from the famous Malgudi Days). It suddenly dawns on me that there is not a single city in India that I don't mind settling down in. An ardent nature lover that I am, I don't like the concrete jungles such as the metros in India. If it has to be a city then why not the US!! Most ironically, India has the most beautiful natural places on earth. The hill stations, the jungles, the vast grasslands, the towns along rivers. But who has ever talked about going and settling down in Kodaikanal? But I want to...

Having said that, I suddenly feel that Kodaikanal is not the answer to my complicated feelings. I long for natural surroundings no doubt, but more than the place itself it is the people that make a place. And so comes the answer. I long for people of the past. I want to be born again in old times. I want to live amongst the people who despite being conservative, old fashioned, disciplined and orthodox, had hearts of gold. Those were the days when crimes were nonexistent, money was not a commodity, women were respectful, women were respected, culture meant everything, people didn't pretend to be someone else in the name of modernism, competition was only in games, generosity was not akin to foolishness, no one was ever deprived of peace of mind. I crave to go back to those times. Times of our great grandparents. Times of Malgudi.

When I say this to people around me, all that they have to say is - I am crazy. May be I am, but if I were to object my own feelings and find a reason why I could be wrong in longing for the past era, then there could be one such reason - that grass is always greener on the other side. :) Who knows the problems people faced in old times? Who knows what it was like to die of trivial causes, for medicine was still an unexplored area? Who knows what it was like to be shunned by society? These are only some things. But when we are talking of peace of mind, then these things do not count. People were happy despite their 'problems', or atleast appeared so. And today, it is hard to find the inner peace,it is hard to not be under stress, it is hard to simply relax and NOT do anything else. All we manage to do is keep ourselves too occupied to even think about it.

It's high time this modern age atleast invented a time machine....