Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Peace of Mind


A dark cloud of envy
enveloped the young girl,
when she witnessed the silks, the jewelry
and beautiful hair in curls,
Her friend looked stunning, She pondered,
"Why can I not be more like her?
Oh lord, I just need peace of mind.
So what if I have no beauty, diamonds or pearls."


A dark tunnel of anger
invaded the young girl,
when she watched success, prosperity
and a pompous show unfurled
by the inept and unintelligent, She wondered,
"Why can I too not be a pretender?
Oh lord I just need peace of mind,
So what if I am not a desperate winner."

A dark smoke of sorrow
engulfed the young girl,
when she beheld death, pain and suffering
of soldiers battling the world.
"While people didn't care to save each other", She wondered,
"Why can I not be unbothered?
Oh lord I just need peace of mind,
So I can be different from the others."

A white light of divinity
surrounded the young girl
when she dreamt of the Lord Himself
towering over her
"What is it that you really need?"
softly asked the Creator

The young girl tried to think over
But felt a change of mind
"I need a pretty face
So I don't feel jealous", she sighed
"I need wit and some cunning
So I can beat this world's pride,
I need to possess apathy
So I can live, knowing that people died."

A light gentle breeze
touched the young girl,
when she heard the Lord's answer,
As He smiled at her
"Are these what you really need?",
gently asked the Creator.

"You don't need a pretty face
For it is an illusion of the eye
You don't need wit and cunning
For you can defeat dishonesty if you tried
You can forever be kind hearted
And always help the mankind
All you need my child,
Is just some peace of mind."

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Dream Chronicles: The mystery of the coffin


In yet another occurrence of a bizarre dream, I realized how deep some thoughts could be. I fail to understand what I could be imagining in my subconscious state to get such dreams that baffle even the most insensible side of me.

I realized this dream deserved being logged owing to its uniqueness and completeness. So here I am, writing down the second piece in the series of my dream chronicles before the memories of the dream get drained away.

I was with a bunch of childhood friends from the great 'BARC Colony'. We were on an 'industrial visit' to a place that had no industry in sight. It was a vast barren land with pieces of rocks lying around. The rocks in themselves were humungous in size, almost as big as us or even bigger. One of us had apparently been to this place before. So, she guided us as to how the rocks 'worked'.

We were to touch any rock and stand still and the rock could take us back in time.  It was a time machine rock. Within no time we were trying it out. I touched a big rock and stood there with my hand on it. Within a couple of seconds I was in kindergarten, remembering and seeing things I did not even know I had experienced- Playing hide and seek with friends, all of us pretending to be woodcutters while one friend pretended to be the ghost, ready to pounce from behind the tree. I had almost forgotten this game. It was like playing a sophisticated version of hide and seek, with a tinge of masala. The woodcutters had to run and hide while the ghost tried to catch.

My friends in the dream agreed that they could see kindergarten too, although we all had our eyes wide open (while in reality I was dreaming with my eyes closed).


As we went ahead marveling the time machine rocks, we saw something that made our hearts freeze. There was a big water body in front of us. A large ship was anchored in it. We were engulfed in a weird fog that had come out of nowhere and through which we could hardly see. A 'thing' started emerging from the ship. It took us a while to figure out what it was. It looked like a fellow human being but as the creature came forward, we heard him letting out a roar. We screamed and realized it was something evil. It was a zombie but nothing like what I had seen in movies before. It was mere skeleton and nothing else. But its bones were red in color and its face was ghastly. He was no skeleton. He was a 'Mummy'- without the wraps.


We turned around and ran and ran until we reached a graveyard. There we saw the most unearthly sight. Another bigger zombie-mummy walking towards us. As expected, he came towards me. I was petrified and stood rooted to the spot, ready to lose my life. My friends in the dream had mysteriously disappeared. The creature walked towards me steadily. As I prepared to scream again, all of a sudden he stilled and fell back to the ground with great force. I looked around to see who killed him, when a man came forward. He was no mummy, he was normal and looked like a priest of some sort.

He explained to me that these mummies have existed on earth forever. Only we humans never knew about them. He explained to me that "A zombie-mummy is born after some years of a human's death. They break out of the coffin and come out to lead a life again. However since they are devoid of any flesh or supporting organs they fail to live long and die within a day."

And I realized in my dream with supposed enlightenment that this was why some religions buried and not burned the dead, so as to give them a second chance to live. I was touched.

The man then told me that some of the zombie-mummies could kill humans out of envy for the normal life we led; and I suddenly forgot my enlightenment and sympathy, to wonder if it was better to burn the dead. No worries about zombie-mummies being re-born.

When I thought of this and smiled I heard another roar and turned around. A zombie-mummy was on its way towards me. I stood smiling waiting for it to fall behind and die, but that was not happening. I waited and waited as the mummy got closer and closer. I looked around to ask for the priest's help and saw that he had disappeared too, just like my friends. I heard the roar of the zombie-mummy close to my ear as I dreadfully understood its proximity to me.

That was the end of my dream. My fried brain probably cursed me for dreaming nonsense and woke me up.

I lay in my bed once again wondering "What was all that about?".

And I idly wondered what in the world I did to deserve such dreams. Well, the passion for horror is probably embedded deep within me, so when I dont watch scary movies my mind produces one of its own. Complete with script, screenplay and direction. The only thing missing is a title. So here I give that in my blog - "The mystery of the coffin" :)

Long live scary movies!!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Who is blind?


To some, darkness is a fear
An unbearable fright
In the absence of light
While to some others
Darkness is all there is
In the depth of their eyes
Where light and dark are much the same


To some, elevation is a fear
Trembling on a cliff they climbed
Atop the summit after a hike
While to some others
No elevation hints
Any meaning to their eyes
Where sky and ground are much the same


To some, fire is a fear
Whining to go where the flames rage
Fearing the heat they'd face
While to some others
Unseen is what fire is
While dancing in front of their eyes
Where fire and ice are much the same


And again to some, death is a fear
Dreading the dark that follows
When eyes close tomorrow
While to some others, liberation it is
Like a new journey on the same ride
Carrying ahead the eternity for the blind
Whose life and death are much the same

Friday, March 30, 2012

Dream Chronicles: Beaten by a Bat


Weird dreams are not uncommon with me. I am probably not a sound sleeper, so I get some very interesting and movie-like dreams. I can very well believe how James Cameron got his entire concept of 'Avatar' from a dream, because my dreams are sometimes that way too, if not an Avatar then at least an 'Independence Day', a funny version of it so to speak.

So I decided to start recording my most interesting dreams on paper. And this is the first in the series of my 'Dream Chronicles' as I call it.

As I drifted into the REM stage of my sleep yesterday night, my weird dream began. I was somewhere on the 'West Coast' of the United States. It was a lovely tourist spot that I was visiting with a couple of friends. The place was supposedly famous for its magical effect. It was like the top of a small hill, sloping on all sides. I was on the top. The beauty of the place was its view. If I turned the angle at which I stood by a few degrees, I could see a new view in the sky, a new colorful view. This was like a large-scale 3D hologram. I stood straight and I could see tall buildings right up in the sky. The moment I turned, I saw a huge desert in the sky. Then I saw some colorful pillars. I was mesmerized by this magic that I had never known of before.

We proceeded to the next interesting location in this magic land. It was a series of caves. Now, the scariness started. The caves were full of bats, ferocious huge bats whose bites were apparently fatal. We were instructed by the tour guide to run for our lives whenever we heard bats coming our way. And we were told that in case we realized the bats were too near, we were to sit down in the 'brace position' (I'm sure I have watched too many episodes of Air Crash Investigations). So we braced ourselves to simply enter the scary and dark cave. We started feeling our way inside and then we heard them- the flutterings of bats. We turned around and ran for our lives, everyone braced, so did I. But as luck would have it, a bat swooped down right on me and bit me hard on my hand. :(

I was stumped. I was shattered. Why me? Everyone else escaped except me. I was quickly guided out of the cave into the attending physician's office,where she told me that if I had indeed been bitten and injected with the poisonous venom, then I would have lost sensation in my hand. She then proceeded to test me. She took a pin and pricked my skin, but, I felt nothing. The ugly truth dawned on me, I had been bitten after all. :(

Now the most ridiculous part of my dream arrived, the kind of thing that makes you cry in the dream but makes you laugh hard after you wake up. So, after concluding that I had indeed lost sensation in my hand, I was immediately put on a stretcher and rushed to the operating room to.......no, not to operate on me but to take samples of my tissues!! They simply took a sample of my tissues and rushed the samples-instead of me- for testing!!

The samples of my tissues were put in an enclosed testtube, put in a box, sealed, marked with 'Most Urgent' and couriered away through Express Delivery. And (the hilarious part) the 'special' delivery van was attached with flashing lights and sirens and flew out of the place at top speed blaring its sirens and flashing its lights, carrying my tissue samples.

And I sat in my own car and followed the van carrying my tissue samples. On the way everyone gave way to the tissue van seeing its flashing lights but seeing that my car was not stopping for the van and instead was following it, the people on the roads thought I was a mean, cheap girl taking advantage of the clear traffic and they stopped my car (you might think they stopped to pull me out in pure Indian style) but all they did was stopped my car and everyone started honking at me. :P I was humiliated by this incident and lost my poor van too. (Although I can't figure out why a big van couldn't carry the owner of the tissues as well.)

Then after a long wait at my friend's place, I got a phone call from the hospital that they had prescribed me some really strong drugs that I needed to take immediately if I wanted to survive. But they were shipping the drugs to my friend's place since it was the closest. And I then started tracking the courier that was bringing my drugs and I realized that the drugs weren't reaching my friend's place until the next day. I was surely going to die by then.

Then I just happened to look down at my hand and I realized that it was white and peeling. I immediately went on wikipedia (good old wiki)  and found that peeling white skin is an indication that bat poison is reaching the heart. I had to take the drugs immediately. I rushed to the drug store and remembered that I did not know the names of the drugs. By then the day ended. And I remembered the last thing I wanted, to add to my troubles. That I was supposed to be flying to India that night and I would not be able to receive the drugs on time. I was going to die after all.

That's when I (gladly) opened my eyes and realized the height of absurdity in the dream. But I still had the image of my white and peeling hand stuck in me. I  thought to myself "This is not going to be a good day" when I remembered the ambulance carrying my tissues. And I burst out laughing. Even the big scare around my death started seeming funny.

I guess this is how dreams are- funny, weird, absurd and....downright pointless. :)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Return To Innocence...



This is the story of a young girl called Parvati. She was 4 when she first realized she loves animals and would grow up to be an ardent animal lover. Her mom would sing animal songs to her as she braided her hair and Parvati would listen with utmost attention, imagining every single animal in her mind...craving to touch the rabbit, cat, dog, kitten, pup, sparrow, parrot. "The world is after all a beautiful place, There must be God somewhere who created these wonderfully cute creatures", she always thought.

Soon she wanted to go out and play every evening because all the other children played!! She joined them and was the youngest in the group of 7 and was pampered a lot. Parvati's mom had instructed the eldest girl in the group- Pallavi -to make sure Parvati comes home safely everyday. Religiously Pallavi would come ring the doorbell for Parvati (since Parvati was too short to ring it herself) and wait until someone opened the door for her and then bid goodbye.

The children would wait to go out every evening and never got bored of playing hide and seek, catch-catch, ringa roses, help-help, lock and key, poison-medicine…until one day that is. One fine day everyone was bored to play these same old silly games. "Lets try something adventurous", they thought. Savita - the leader - suggested that the kids build a kennel for the new born stray pup in the vicinity. Everyone was enthusiastic and the tiny ones were running away to go look for the poor pup. They could only hear the pup whining in the distance and the kids imagined themselves to be detectives looking for it. 

There it was....in the corner of a warehouse. The group pounced on it and the pup was bewildered with all the sudden attention it got. Soon a fight broke out as to who should carry the pup and the gang leader Savita very peacefully reached a negotiated decision. Everyone gets to carry him for 1 minute, she said, until they reached back the playground that is. 

Parvati was thrilled to hold the pup when she got her chance. Her first encounter with a real animal!! "How cuuuute!!", she thought. She didnt want to put him down but they'd reached by then and her 1 minute was up. The kids collected bricks lying around and started building a 'kennel' - it should have probably been called a fortress. With limited number of bricks, the kids simply stacked up the bricks to form a tiny square and put the pup in middle. The claustrophobic pup felt suffocated and tried jumping out of it but Parvati was so concerned that she held him tight into it. The poor pup started wailing and soon people shouted at Parvati that she is hurting him. Terrified at the prospect , she released the pup who in an instant flew with a silent scream translating into 'Help me' and vanished in an instant.

The bored children couldnt think of anything better to do and lacking patience, they had had enough of the kennel business too. Soon it was dark. All the kids had been instructed by their parents to come back home before it is dark. And to make the kids obey, their parents had resorted to the age old golden rule of inducing some fear that automatically compelled the children to do as the parents wished. In other words, it amounted to taking advantage of their innocence. So while Parvati believed that there would be ghosts in the dark (although this wasn't told by her parents), Savita knew about dangerous people who kidnap children and Pallavi thought of snakes, Others thought of ants, mosquitoes, demons and all the most disagreeable creatures in the world. But very soon the baccha-party overcame all fears and were adamant to NOT go home so soon. They came up with the next adventure, a night-time one. Let's visit the top storey of a tall building,they decided. Soon they were chattering away on their way to the top floor of a 6-storeyed building. 

The staircase was eerily silent and Parvati's imagination was running away in the scary direction. She was thrilled at the prospect of seeing ghosts!! Savita thought of the dangerous psycho child-lifter who could be lurking somewhere. Pallavi was calm, quite sure to not see snakes in there. They reached the top floor and admired the view from there, whatever little was visible that is. But soon Savita noticed the little Parvati's scared facial expressions and decided to have some fun. She started telling the story of one of the apartments nearest to where they stood. About an old lady that once lived there. 

The story went-
"That lady died when she saw a ghost in her bedroom. It was a pitch dark night just like this one. She was in bed but awake. But she saw that moving shadow, and died immediately of a heart attack. She soon became a ghost herself. Now there are people who say that if you go near that apartment you can hear her screams. Once a couple of kids tried to knock on the apartment door and the door knob turned on its own. And every once in a while you can hear the sound of anklets and see a woman with a candle in her hand."

She was a good story-teller and within no time, all 7 girls were engrossed in her story. She enjoyed every minute of her terrifying story, watching the scared bunch of kids around her getting more and more scared. But Parvati was defiant. She found loop holes in her story and was soon getting very magnificent doubts. "But, Savita. Why would she carry a candle? If she is a ghost she should be able to see in dark. And Savita, why should she scream now? She is a ghost, so we should scream when we see her. And she should have screamed when SHE had seen the ghost, but instead she chose to die immediately. And if she is a ghost she should have red eyes and be wearing white clothes. I would want to see her. Lets go knock at the apartment.. ". Now it was Savita's turn to be scared. She knew that the apartment had been empty since many years, but she was worried for some reason. "Come, lets go home", she said. But Parvati was adamant and the others were too scared to speak.

Off went Parvati to knock at the apartment door while the others held on to each other in fear and shouted "No, Parvati , nooo". But brave Parvati was more interested in seeing the ghost than reassuring her friends. Within no time she reached the door and...there it was, right in front of her, the door knob was turning on its own!!! Bewildered and thrilled as she was, she still thought she had imagined it. Turning around she saw her friends pale as ghosts themselves, frozen by fear and utterly quiet. She realized that they must have seen it too. She was rooted to the spot in fear. Finally all of them heard it, the sound of anklets. They looked towards the entrance to the roof top,a flickering light that looked like a candle was appearing out of nowhere. That broke all the paralysis that had set in and they screamed in unison (Parvati included) and they flew down the stairs, taking multiple stairs at a time and a couple of them went sliding down the stair-railings, screaming at the same time. And then another scream (of the 'ghost') drowned their screams, as if there was a screaming competition. Savita was petrified to imagine her invented story had taken shape. Within seconds they were out of the building in the dark and running away at top speed. After running non-stop for what seemed like an hour, they all reached the playground again and fell down on the soft damp grass. Panting and gulping fresh air for breath. 

Pallavi spoke first and said...."Savita, you must be so brave, to tell that whole story without fear, when you knew all the time that all of it was true. I had not believed one word of it until I saw the whole thing happening in front of me". Parvati spoke next, "Savita, You really pretended like you were just telling a story, when all the time you knew it had actually happened sometime. Even I had not believed you for a second, but now I do". Savita was sheepish and scared as ever. She felt guilty, and strangely felt like she was being watched by the ghost, like the ghost had taught her a lesson. The others were too shaken and tired from the running, not to mention the event that had caused the running.

It was decided that they had better gone home. But since all were equally scared to take off alone, a plan was made to make sure each one of them had company. Parvati and Pallavi lived close by, so they had each other's company for sure. They ended up escorting everyone else till their homes and finally walked back together at top speed. 

Back in the building some things were happening. There was huge laughter. Deepak and Anil- Savita's elder brothers- were laughing their hearts out. "That was wonderful…getting into the apartment and turning the knob. And hiding on the roof and then coming down with a candle!! We ruined Savi's age-old story!! Hahaha…".

Back at home, Parvati got the scolding of her lifetime for coming home late, which came close enough in its terror-element to the evening's episode. But she carefully hid her fears and listened obediently and apologized like a good girl.As she sat down for dinner, she looked at her mother and said "Amma, I will never go and play after dark again. I promise". "Well, you are a good girl after all" smiled her mother, secretly congratulating herself on her own scolding skills. Parvati on the other hand thought "I suppose good girls also don't tell their parents the most dangerous adventures they indulge in, so that the parents don't get tensed". She promised herself not to ever disobey her parents, and yes not to be 'adventurous' for sure. 

Just as she finished eating, the phone rang. Her Dad called out "Parvati, it's for you." 
She picked up the receiver, "Hello."
"Hey, it's me Savita. Listen, tomorrow come early to the playground, by around 5 p.m. We are going to the old abandoned bungalow by the forest, my Dad was warning me NOT to go there because supposedly the psycho child lifter hides the kidnapped children there. "
"Wow, really?" asked Parvati.
"Yes, and that's why I have decided that tomorrow we MUST go there and give a shot at getting him apprehended. Imagine, we are 7 of us. It should be pretty easy. We can even take help from those kidnapped children. And the police would give us a reward."
"Sounds too good. I'll be at the playground at 5 sharp." said Parvati.

She kept the phone and turned around.
Her parents were busy making the bed. She looked at them and remembered the promise she had made to herself. 
Then she looked at the mirror and smiled sheepishly, "One last adventure…I promise." :)

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Moonlit Mask


8th October 2001

Reena could hardly take her eyes off him. It was her first day at college and she already had a crush on someone. The tall-dark-handsome hunk, 2 years her senior was hard to avoid. The charm of a senior combined with the charm of his killer looks had the magical effect. She had never even looked at a guy before, let alone speak or interact. And even if she had seen a guy, she had never felt this way for anyone. It was the freshers' orientation, where the seniors were ranting away tips to the newbies, like what they should do to save their necks in tough times, how to safely escape ragging, how to complete journals and still not spend more than a few hours on it etc. But all that she could care about was the tall and silent guy in the gang of seniors, standing well behind in the group, talking less, smiling at times and looking uber-cool in his Metallica T-Shirt and Blue Jeans, with a rock-star hairstyle. She thought that the guy would eventually notice her, especially when she was blatantly staring at him and he did. Soon after the assembly dispersed Reena found herself moving towards him. Quickly she recovered and walked out of the room instead. He was looking at her walking away.

8th March 2002

Reena could not stop bugging her friends about how he looked, how he walked, how he dressed, how he SANG! Oh he was the best guy she had ever seen. Vinay had had enough. He dared her to go speak to him then, After all she wasn't even sure what his name was. Reena was positive that his name was Arjun but 'positive' was not good enough for Vinay. Reena dared Vinay back to get her introduced to Arjun then. Off went Vinay to get her an introduction. Reena ran after him in pure terror. What the hell would happen now? She had been happy being a silent admirer, it gave her the freedom to look at him anytime and anywhere without him realizing (or at least she thought so), hear him sing with his band - lost in the crowd, follow him around- basically stalk him. But she wouldn't be able to do that anymore if he ever got a whiff of what she was up to. But too late, Vinay was already there talking away to Arjun. She ran to a stop almost bumping into her hero and heard Vinay say - "She is your biggest fan you know, she only talks about you all the time". Reena's dream guy was standing right in front of her and she seemed to be having a paralytic attack. He smiled and extended her hand saying "I am Arjun", "I know that", Reena found herself saying. Arjun laughed, Reena swooned.

8th June 2002

Reena had run into him every single day since the last two weeks. Every single time she had made a fool of herself, stuttering, talking rubbish and not paying attention to what he was asking. She had made up her mind to ignore him for the next couple of days so that he forgets the embarrassing encounters. But as luck would have it, she was alone in the cafe and he was right there with his buddy. He saw her and walked upto her. She could not help but notice that he was at least 6 feet tall and that he had a stylish walk. He did exactly what she was dreading - invited her over to his table. She walked away with him, excited/anxious/tense- all at the same time. But if anything, she ended up loving the next 4 hours she spent there (having bunked all her lectures and practicals in the day), she had found an extremely good friend in Arjun. "He is a really nice guy to say the least", she thought. "She is the sweetest girl I have ever met"  is what he had to think.

8th October 2002

"Come on Reena, can't you bunk one lecture for me" Arjun cribbed. Reena was vigorously finishing her assignment that she had to submit during the lecture. She said "No Arjun, it's really important, trust me". A guy walked over to Arjun and asked for his autograph, after all he was a famous rock star now. Arjun looked embarrassed and only managed to say "Come on, I'm just a student like you. The day I am able to stand on my own feet, I'll sign your autograph". The guy walked away. Just then Rajesh came over and sat with the Reena and Arjun. He started "I have this stupid journal writing task, an assignment to write from scratch ,a term test to study for and a presentation, all due tomorrow and I'm sick today". He looked miserable. Arjun took away his journal and said "I can take care of this". Reena stopped writing to smile at Arjun, the first guy she had ever spoken to, whom she loved more than ever. His simplicity, his helpfulness, his "strong and silent" attitude, his dignity using the "don't talk more-don't talk cheap" rule. She loved him truly. He smiled at her seeing the sweet innocence in her eyes. She was no more than a child to him. Only like his own child.

8 years later-

Reena was home when she received it again. A message hidden in the fireplace. It read "If you ever truly loved me you have to come with me. This is the only way around. I cannot bear to see you with someone else". She already found tears welling up in her eyes. She knew what Arjun must go through, she herself wasn't happy with what her parents wanted. They wanted her to get married to the nerdy Aditya Iyer, who didn't know what she had been through in her past, didn't care what would make her happy, all he ever talked about was how good academics can fetch wealth and prosperity - complete with examples of fellow nerds who had passed out of the biggest institutes on planet earth. She loved Arjun till today. He was everything that Aditya wasn't- simple, modest, down to earth, caring and most importantly she could not think of a life without Arjun.

Just then the landline rang and she jumped. Her parents were away so she had to do the honors. As she received the call, her irritation increased manifold, it was Aditya. He always thought it was his duty to call her once everyday, no matter how boring the conversation ended up being and irrespective of what Reena had been doing at the time of the call. But kindness personified that she was, she never had the heart to snub him or hurt him. She just patiently listened to him and made a mental note of how he manages to veer the conversation in the direction of jobs, companies, profits, gains, merit and so on. But she was pretty sure she could hear another sound in the background. It was her cellphone ringing with a distinct ringtone which could mean only one thing, she knew who was calling. She kept Aditya on hold and received her cell phone "Arjun?" 
"Yes it's me, Disconnect the other line", said Arjun.
"But how do you know? Are you watching me? How?"
"That's not the point. The point is I still watch you. I will always watch you. Please do not put up with an idiot like him for your parents' sake."
Reena disconnected Aditya's call. Arjun hadn't called in a year. He always sent secret messages, she was hearing him after ages. And she felt a tremendous amount of energy in her from hearing his voice.

Arjun continued speaking to her.
"Reena please do as I say, This is the only way you and I could get together." said Arjun. Reena heard him word to word. She was afraid of whatever she heard, she could not in the least understand how she could unite with him if she did what she was told to do. But she promised him to follow every word of his instructions. She waited until evening. When her parents came home, she had the one last cup of tea with them because she didn't know if she would ever get this chance again. She tried not to cry. She spoke to her Mom about random things like jewelry, next door neighbor's problems etc. She would miss this mother-daughter connection. 

As night fell, she got prepared. She wanted to bid goodbye to her mother and father but it was risky. She drove to the lake near the forest as she was told. Then she prayed to God and stepped into the cool water. She started walking right towards the middle of the lake. She was doing exactly what she was told to do. She trusted Arjun more than herself. He would never have meant harm, she thought. She was soaked and cold. Within no time she was neck deep in water. She grasped the bizarre scene with her eyes. The sky was a moonlit mask. She had been looking around for Arjun to come. She still did not understand why he ever asked her to do this. May be he was under water. She closed her eyes as the cool water started swallowing her head. She was drowning. She felt her leg leave the bottom of the lake and a bit of buoyancy lifted her up to completely topple her. She knew now what Arjun had wanted. He had never wanted to rescue her. He had wanted her to die. But she was not sorry. She remembered everything. As she struggled to breathe, her not having learnt to swim appeared like a boon to her. She was waiting for life to escape her. As it did, she saw him finally. Arjun was right there, on the bank of the lake, his face was one moonlit mask. She had not seen him in a year, not once after he had the tragic car crash that left him dead. But he did not let go of her. True love never dies, she thought.  He never forgot her. And she could have died a million times to see him just this once. She now understood how he watched over her. She now understood how he could call her or send her messages using the ashes of the fireplace. Only she could not understand how she had come to forget that he was no more. She imagined the extent of trauma she must have undergone to forget everything.

She saw her own lifeless body come floating to the surface. She felt herself gliding towards Arjun and he took her in his arms. She closed her eyes in the warmth and relief that she felt.

She opened her eyes with a jerk. She was in the cozy comfort of her bed. But she was drenched in cold sweat. And she was sitting up. Her heart was still beating fast from what she had just seen. It was dead of the night, full moon glowing in the sky. She heard a sleepy groan next to her. "Are you OK?", he asked. She could just make him out in the dark, his face a moonlit mask. She smiled with relief and asked, "Do you know who I dreamed of?".
"Give a hint", he said.
"His name starts with an A...", she said.
"Not that same guy again", he said.
"I wont awaken you with details of my stupid dream", she said. "You need some sleep before your show tomorrow".
And the moon continued shining.


Thursday, July 21, 2011

Travel through Time

Sometimes, in fact often, I feel a void inside me. I ask myself what should I be doing to be happy? Where should I be living to feel at ease?

From the moment I left my homeland, I knew life wouldn't be the same again. But I overpowered the sensitivity inside me and established to myself that I am not an emotional girl. I am practical in all aspects. I love to learn and I am starting a new journey of learning, an experience of learning in a foreign land is after all considered worth the efforts. I wanted to see what is it that we Indians had missed in our study systems.

It was indeed worth the experience. It made me realize what I would have missed out on if I hadnt taken that one brave step. But as time passed I understood that my learning didnt stop with the degree I earned. Probably far more than what I learned in school is what life in the US taught me. But this is not just another story of a girl writing about how she felt independent in life and how she learnt to cook, took care of herself, stayed away from bad people, used money judiciously. These are only some things I learnt.

But what did awaken in me were some very tricky thoughts. Thoughts straight out of the movie Swades, but alas it isnt that straightforward. There are times when I love this place, there are times when I want to go home. There are other times when I love the work culture here and shudder to think about what working back home again would be like. But there are other times when I don't want any of these. I look for a place that no one is aware of. A place like Malgudi (from the famous Malgudi Days). It suddenly dawns on me that there is not a single city in India that I don't mind settling down in. An ardent nature lover that I am, I don't like the concrete jungles such as the metros in India. If it has to be a city then why not the US!! Most ironically, India has the most beautiful natural places on earth. The hill stations, the jungles, the vast grasslands, the towns along rivers. But who has ever talked about going and settling down in Kodaikanal? But I want to...

Having said that, I suddenly feel that Kodaikanal is not the answer to my complicated feelings. I long for natural surroundings no doubt, but more than the place itself it is the people that make a place. And so comes the answer. I long for people of the past. I want to be born again in old times. I want to live amongst the people who despite being conservative, old fashioned, disciplined and orthodox, had hearts of gold. Those were the days when crimes were nonexistent, money was not a commodity, women were respectful, women were respected, culture meant everything, people didn't pretend to be someone else in the name of modernism, competition was only in games, generosity was not akin to foolishness, no one was ever deprived of peace of mind. I crave to go back to those times. Times of our great grandparents. Times of Malgudi.

When I say this to people around me, all that they have to say is - I am crazy. May be I am, but if I were to object my own feelings and find a reason why I could be wrong in longing for the past era, then there could be one such reason - that grass is always greener on the other side. :) Who knows the problems people faced in old times? Who knows what it was like to die of trivial causes, for medicine was still an unexplored area? Who knows what it was like to be shunned by society? These are only some things. But when we are talking of peace of mind, then these things do not count. People were happy despite their 'problems', or atleast appeared so. And today, it is hard to find the inner peace,it is hard to not be under stress, it is hard to simply relax and NOT do anything else. All we manage to do is keep ourselves too occupied to even think about it.

It's high time this modern age atleast invented a time machine....